School assemblies provide the opportunity to gather as a school community and instill qand reinforce key values and encourage productive attitudes that go to make the experience of school as fruitful as possible. From time to time, we share an outline of these assemblies with parents, in the hope that they may support and strengthen those values and attitudes at home. This is an edited version of my talk given at the first assembly of the year on Monday morning. I hope you find it useful.
Richard Dyer
I enjoy the start of term. There’s always an undercurrent of excitement, a buzz of anticipation, and a little bit of anxiety. I find it interesting that we get excited about things that are unfamiliar, new and unpredictable. Excitement and anxiety are very similar feelings. Perhaps that’s why we like doing things that scare us a little bit, like watching scary movies or riding on roller coasters.
Many of you will be starting the school year with a sense of determination. You are well rested, you have had the luxury of time, and you now feel ready to make a committed start. For Year 7 students, there is the determination to do well in secondary school. Year 8’s, you are no longer the youngest and you will want to make a serious commitment to your learning. Year 9’s have option choices coming up where you make decisions you need to follow through with. Year 10’s, you are starting your IGCSE courses, and I am sure you are determined to do your best.
Year 11’s and Year 13’s, you know what lies ahead over the next 2 terms! Our new Sixth Formers, in Year 12, start life at the top end of the school and we all look forward to the impression you will make on the community.
Let’s look back for a moment. A lot has happened over the summer. For some people, quite momentous events have occurred. Four weddings have taken place among the staff! That’s a significant number and quite unusual. I’m sure those people getting married felt a similar sense of excitement and anxiety at their new beginnings. So, I’m going to talk to you about weddings and about the word commitment, and I’ll connect that to you and your learning and to the journey that lies ahead for you at the very start of the school year.
The commitment of marriage
When two people get married, in nearly all cultures, they make promises to each other. These promises vary. In Western marriages, these promises are broadly the same. Two people promise to stay together for life, forever, “till death do us part.” They promise to dedicate themselves to each other alone, “forsaking all others”. They promise to look after each other, no matter what. They promise that they will continue to love each other, whatever happens. They say things like, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”.
In a Hindu wedding, similar promises are made:
The man will often say,: “O!, lovely lady, I seek you and only you, to love, to experience all the seasons of life.”
The lady might reply,: “Through life's seasons, I will cherish you in my heart. I will adore you and seek to complete you. I will remember the vows we just took and adore you forever sincerely with all my heart.”
At a wedding ceremony, then, people make a commitment. A commitment is forever. Think about that for a moment. Two people make promises they intend to keep forever, for life. To stay together. No matter what. On a wedding day, the bride and groom are often young, healthy, energetic and in love. And they promise that 20, 30, 40 years later, when they are not young, when they may not be fit and healthy, they will still stay together, and still love each other. That’s quite a commitment.
On the wedding day, that commitment is a feeling, however. It’s easier to commit. The bride and groom want nothing less.
Feel, do, be
As we know, over time, circumstances change. Feelings don’t last. Perhaps the feeling of commitment fades; but that’s actually where commitment and love really matter. They need to change also. They need to change from feelings to action. From “I am in love” to “I love.” From “I feel committed”, to “I commit”. From things you feel to things you do.
I’m not going to talk about love much more – I can see some of the Year 7s starting to squirm at the front here. The message is the same, whether it’s love or commitment. Let me explain, and then connect the start of a marriage with you at the start of the term.
We always start the year with a sense of determination. We feel committed to learning more French vocabulary, to practising solving those equations four times a week. We make promises to ourselves to get fit enough to beat that 200m time, to get into the FOBISSEA Games squad. We resolve to be kinder, to be friendlier, to join one of the community activities, to complete the Managebac reflections more regularly. To keep our room tidy and do homework on the night it is set …
Our willpower is strong. We feel committed.
Terms starts well. We keep up with the promises. We feel good about ourselves and that gives us the will, the strength to continue. Then we might hit a setback.
You need to learn a new concept in chemistry that you find really difficult and it takes you so much time that the other promises get broken. You get a cold, or a tummy upset and you have a few days where you get behind on your training. Your laptop crashes unexpectedly and you need to spend days recovering your files from your backups.
Your willpower goes, you no longer feel committed.
This is an important time. When you no longer FEEL committed is the time when you need to BE committed. You need to get back on track. There’s some good news in this; there are ways of doing it. I’ll give you some ideas for the start of the year. Remember this; perhaps this will help.
Dr. Who: The universe doesn’t care
First, recognise that the world does not have your best interests at heart. The world is not on your side. The world does not know about your commitments and is not there to make sure everything goes smoothly. That’s not negative, that’s not meant to be discouraging. The world is not against you either. It’s just random. Have any of you watched Dr. Who? Dr. Who recognises this when he says, “The universe doesn’t care.” So, when things don’t go YOUR way, just shrug and say, “That’s just the universe being random!”
The second idea is that your brain is in a really good state right now! You feel optimistic, energised and committed. Your brain is also in a really good stage of development. As you go through your teenage years, you will reach the stage where you no longer need to be controlled by the feelings you have. As you go through secondary school, you will increase your ability to manage your feelings. The feelings will sometimes still feel like they happen TO you, with something beyond your control creating them. You have a choice in how you respond, however. You can actually create the right feelings of commitment by being committed by turning commitment into an action. Here’s how it works.
Commitment = Action
The alarm bell goes off at 5.30am and you really should be in the pool training by 6.15. You feel awful. You had a terrible day the day before. You have lost that feeling of commitment you had at the start of term. You switch the alarm off and start to go back to sleep.
Or, you don’t. You remember Mr. Dyer’s assembly. You recognise that the feeling of commitment has faded at that moment. The events of yesterday were randon. It was just the universe showing that it’s not on anybody’s side and you don’t let this get in your way.
Get control of your feelings and don’t even think. Get to the pool and get in and swim before you start thinking. I guarantee that by the time you get there, you will feel good about yourself, pleased at your willpower, your determination and your commitment.
So, you get home from school and you really should learn that French vocabulary. But your little brother really wants you to play his new X-Box game with him. So the vocab can wait, and by the time you get round to it, it’s time to eat, and then do the rest of your homework….
Or not. You recognise that your commitment is being tested by the random universe, in the form of your little brother. You recognise the feelings you have, the temptation of the X-Box, and you stop those thoughts. You go to your room, sit at your desk and spend 20 minutes on your vocabulary, even though you don’t feel like it. By the time you finish, you WILL feel good about yourself, and pleased that you showed some commitment.
So, the message is this. If you feel optimistic, excited, determined and committed today that is really good news. If you have made promises to yourself about the year ahead, excellent!
But remember:
Recognise and understand that the feeling of commitment sometimes fades.
Recognise and understand that the random universe sometimes gets in the way of your plans.
And recognise and understand that when that happens, THAT is the time when you show your commitment, when it’s tough and when you don’t actually feel like it. It’s in your control, you have the power.
With those thoughts, I offer all of our best wishes to our newly married teachers as they embark on a lifetime of commitment and I wish you all the best for a successful and committed year.
